Persecution: A price to pay for being a Christian?

Two years ago at the Shepherd's Conference Dr. Daniel Wong gave his testimony of Dr Daniel Wong. Dr. Wong is a professor at The Master's College, who faced persecutions as a Christian first hand from Red Guards during the Cultural Revolution in China.

A Mighty Fortress is Our God - Ephesians 6:10-20

New audio blog entry over at Impact Midland.

Today's program is a sermon delivered by Bill Lawless at Grace Covenant Church of Midland, Texas.

To be sure the Christian that lives chapters Ephesians 4 through 6, a faithful life, will encounter spiritual warfare. There will be battles. The reality presented in Paul’s letter is that as believers, we are in Christ and one with Him. His life is our life, His power is our power, His truth is our truth, His way is our way and here we will see that His strength is our strength.

Did we in our own strength confide, our striving would be losing;

Were not the right Man on our side, the Man of God’s own choosing:

Dost ask who that may be? Christ Jesus, it is He;

Lord Sabaoth, His Name, from age to age the same,

And He must win the battle.

O thou giving God - The Valley of Vision

O thou giving God

My heart is drawn out in thankfulness to thee,
for thy amazing grace and condescension to me
in influences and assistances of thy Spirit,
for special help in prayer,
for the sweetness of Christian service,
for the thoughts of arriving in heaven,
for always sending me needful supplies,
for raising me to new life when I am
like one dead.
I want not the favour of man to lean upon
for thy favour is infinitely better.
Thou art eternal wisdom in dispensations
towards me;
and it matters not when, nor where, nor how
I serve thee,
nor what trials I am exercised with,
if I might but be prepared for thy work and will.
No poor creature stands in need of divine grace
more than I do,
And yet none abuses it more than I have done,
and still do.
How heartless and dull I am!
Humble me in the dust for not loving thee more.
Every time I exercise any grace renewedly
I am renewedly indebted to thee,
the God of all grace, for special assistance.
I cannot boast when I think how dependent
I am upon thee for the being and every act
of grace;
I never do anything else but depart from thee,
and if ever I get to heaven it will be because
thou willest it, and for no reason beside.
I love, as a feeble, afflicted, despised creature,
to cast myself on thy infinite grace and goodness,
hoping for no happiness but from thee;
Give me special grace to fit me for special services,
and keep me calm and resigned at all times,
humble, solemn, mortified,
and conformed to thy will.

The Few - Piper/Washer/Ravenhill/Conway/Leiter

Matthew 7:21-23

I Never Knew You
21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

The Few from I'll Be Honest on Vimeo.

What is being preached at your church?

http://illbehonest.com/
http://bloodtippedears.blogspot.com/
http://www.gccsatx.com/

Hell is Necessary - Tim Conway

Jjohn 3:36

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.

Hell is Necessary - Tim Conway - Sermon Jam from I'll Be Honest on Vimeo.

Sustained by Sovereign Grace—Forever! by John Piper

Not grace to bar what is not bliss,

Nor flight from all distress, but this:

The grace that orders our trouble and pain,

And then, in the darkness, is there to sustain.

Jeremiah 32:36-41
Now therefore thus says the Lord God of Israel concerning this city of which you say, "It is given into the hand of the king of Babylon by sword, by famine, and by pestilence," 37 "Behold, I will gather them out of all the lands to which I have driven them in My anger, in My wrath, and in great indignation; and I will bring them back to this place and make them dwell in safety. 38 And they shall be My people, and I will be their God; 39 and I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me always, for their own good, and for the good of their children after them. 40 And I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me. 41 And I will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will faithfully plant them in this land with all My heart and with all My soul." 42 For thus says the Lord, "Just as I brought all this great disaster on this people, so I am going to bring on them all the good that I am promising them."

Four Promises of Sovereign, Sustaining Grace

1. God Will Be Our God
God promises to be our God. Verse 38: "They will be my people and I will be their God." All the promises to his people are summed up in this: "I will be your God." That is, I will use all that I am as God—all my wisdom, all my power, and all my love—to see to it that you remain my people. All that I am as God, I exert for your good.

2. God Promises to Change Our Hearts
God promises to change our hearts and cause us to love and fear him. Verse 39: "I will give them one heart and one way that they may fear me always . . . (v. 40b) I will put the fear of me in their hearts." In other words, God will not simply stand by to see if we, by our own powers, will fear him; he will sovereignly, supremely, mercifully give us the heart that we need to have, and give us the faith and the fear of God that will lead us home to heaven. This is sovereign, sustaining grace. (See Deuteronomy 30:6; Ezekiel 11:19-20; 36:27.)

3. God Promises We Will Not Turn Away from Him
God promises that he will not turn away from us and we will not turn away from him. Verse 40: "I will make an everlasting covenant with them that I will not turn away from them, to do them good; and I will put the fear of Me in their hearts so that they will not turn away from Me." In other words, his heart work is so powerful that he guarantees we will not turn from him. This is what's new about the new covenant: God promises to fulfill by his power the conditions that we have to meet. We must fear him and love him and trust him. And he says, I will see to that. I will "put the fear of me in their hearts"—not to see what they will do with it, but in such a way that "they will not turn from me." This is sovereign, sustaining grace.

4. God Promises to Do This with Infinite Intensity
Finally, God promises to do this with the greatest intensity imaginable. He expresses this in two ways, one at the beginning and one at the end of verse 41: "And I will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will faithfully plant them in this land with all My heart and with all My soul." First he says that he will exert this sovereign, sustaining grace with joy: "I will rejoice over them to do them good." Then he says (at the end of verse 41) that he will exert this sovereign, sustaining grace "with all [his] heart and with all [his] soul."

Matt Chandler - Jesus Wants the Rose

The gospel matters. Getting the gospel right matters. If you get the gospel wrong and you don’t distinguish between what the gospel is and what morality is, then what you’ve done at best is restrain the hearts of people, but you won’t see their hearts transformed. If you don’t get the gospel right, you will inoculate your people to Jesus.

Death is not dying - Rachael Barkey

On March 4, 2009, Rachel had an opportunity to share about her hope in the midst of terminal cancer. What began as a small talk to her church women’s group became an event attended by over 600 women and was an experience that left many with a desire to discover more about Rachel’s journey and faith.Watch Rachel share her story of trusting God in the face of death. "Cancer does not define me," she says. "Neither does being a wife or a mother. All these things are part of who I am but they do not define me. What defines me is my relationship with Jesus."

Pursuit of God - A. W. Tozer

O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace.

I am ashamed of my lack of desire.O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing,I thirst to be made more thirsty still.

Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."

Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Lord, I would trust Thee completely; I would be altogether Thine;I would exalt Thee above all.
I desire that I may feel no sense of possessing anything outside of Thee.

I want constantly to be aware of Thy overshadowing presence and to hear Thy speaking voice.
I long to live in restful sincerity of heart.

I want to live so fully in the Spirit that all my thoughts may be as sweet incense ascending to Thee and every act of my life may be an act of worship.

Therefore, I pray in the words of Thy great servant of old, "I beseech Thee so for to cleanse the intent of mine heart with the unspeakable gift of Thy grace, that I may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee."

And all this I confidently believe Thou wilt grant me through the merits of Jesus Christ Thy Son. Amen.

Picture from the Grace Community Church web site

My Daddy's Hands - Jim Lawless Nov 1928 / May 2003

I want to share a poem my sister wrote shortly after my Daddy died. What was captured in words is a precious moment between a Son and his Daddy. The warmth of his hand gave a sense of security... eventhough he would soon draw his last breath. I was the one holding his hand as he slipped from the arms of his loving family into the arms of our Heavenly Father. My Daddy's hands were important...not just to me and my sisters and Mom but to those he spent tireless hours ministering to. Oh how I miss him ! My heart has such peace in knowing that I will one day see him again...What a sweet day that will be ! Gayle , thank you for writing this poem and capturing this precious time...I will cherish it forever !

My Daddy's Hands

Psalm 90:17 says, by God's mercy we can have value and meaning in life,
Our hands can produce work for God or bring forth worry and strife
Our hands, as it says in scripture, can raise to the heavens in adoration and praise
Or can take the life of another and condemn you for the rest of days
Our right hand can be a symbol of strength, of power and also one of a friend
Together they can clap with joy and hold a loved one in the end...

My Daddy's hands were used of God to work, praise, to sustain,
These same hands could defend us and protect us from the rain
His hands could build and clean a chimney and even play a game
These hands are now forever stilled and life will never be the same.

His hands were strong and helped us when we fell or needed a lift
His hands taught us of life and love of the Father..Oh.. what a wonderful gift !
Our Lord and Savior , Jesus Christ called Dad to preach and teach
To be an example of who Christ is ,in his action, life and speech...

Dad's hands could play the guitar and lead the church in praise
Music would be a part of his life every single day
Dad loved to praise his Father and lift his hands on high
I saw how music could give him joy as well as make him cry...

When Dad was young he used his hands to fight as a Golden Glove,
And yet could hold my Mother and show her of his love
When Dad grew older and matured in what he knew to be right
He used his hands to show more love and never again used them to fight

Dad preached in jail, and on the streets and used his hand to show
How much it meant to follow Christ, to know His word and grow
Dads hands would grip his Bible as he read of love and pain
That Jesus bore upon the cross so we could one day gain
And entrance to the Fathers house to praise his name and sing
Of God's grace throughout the ages and of peace only Christ can bring..

Dads hands held close his Grandchildren and played 'round, round" countless times
He would sing them silly songs and tell them silly rhymes
Though those were special to the kids, they were special as well to him
And forever the kids will remember thier times with PaPa Jm

Those strong and sure hands would baptize his children and lead them as they wed
And these were the hands I held as I crawled into his bed
To tell him, Thank you , Dad ,for all you've done, to hug and kiss his head
My Daddy's hands held my Mother's face as she wept at his feet
The time was so very hard but more than that...so very sweet !

My Daddy's hands lay very still as my brother held on tight
My sister and brother and I watched as Daddy died that night
Were so thankful to the Lord for a Dad who loved us so !
And a Dad who loved our Mother, more than we'll ever know ...

My Daddy's hands did many things from discipline to showing love
But most of all his hands were used to serve his Lord above
I'm thankful to the Lord for this Daddy HE gave to me
That he's with the Lord right now and from pain he's finally free
Now that he's in heaven, I miss that hand to hold
But I know someday I'll hold his hand and walk on streets of gold !

By Gayle Lang

James William Lawless, Jr
November 13, 1928 to May 13, 2003

Minister of the Gospel of Christ Jesus

False Teachers is God's Judgement - Paul Washer

False teachers are God's judgment on people who don't want God but in the name of religion plan on getting everything their carnal hearts desire.

Greek New Testament Rebound

My New Testament professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary began each class with a reading from his Greek New Testament. Listening to him interpret as he read from the Greek was an awesome experience. Two things resulted from that. One was the love of the koine Greek language the other was a desire to own a Greek text that was bound in leather like his. Like so many others mine had a red plastic cover. My search for a Greek text bound in leather began 25 years ago without success. A couple of years ago the idea came to me that I could have my red plastic text rebound in calfskin leather which is exactly what I did. My search began and ended with finding a bindery in Shawnee, Oklahoma named McSpadden Book Bindery. A short phone call and order was placed. The results are the in the following picture.
The following year I decided to have my New Testament with Psalms rebound. This was my jail bible I used in my jail ministry in Port Arthur, Texas.. I called McSpadden again, gave them the condition and they felt they could do the work. I sent them the bible and the result is below.

I seldom use the New Testament any more but the Greek New Testament is one I still use. Every time I pick it up I admire the handy work and take a whiff of the premium leather calfskin. It’s a wonderful piece of work.

If you have an interest in taking on a project like this I would recommend that you visit Mark Bertrand’s blog Bible Design and Binding. There is a lot you can learn from this site

Interview with Pastor Morris Brooks

Welcome to Impact Midland. Today's interview with Pastor Morris Brooks is away from the studio at the food court at The Midland Mall. In this interview we get caught up with what has been going on with Grace Covenant Church, The Midland Men's Bible Study and Pastor Morris. Enjoy the program.

Ten Reasons To Not Ask Jesus Into Your Heart - Todd Friel

1. It is not in the Bible. There is not a single verse that even hints we should say a prayer inviting Jesus into our hearts. Some use Rev. 3:20. To tell us that Jesus is standing at the door of our hearts begging to come in.
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” There are two reasons that interpretation is wrong.
The context tells us that the door Jesus is knocking on is the door of the church, not the human heart. Jesus is not knocking to enter someone’s heart but to have fellowship with His church.Even if the context didn’t tell us this, we would be forcing a meaning into the text (eisegesis). How do we know it is our heart he is knocking at? Why not our car door? How do we know he isn’t knocking on our foot? To suggest that he is knocking on the door of our heart is superimposing a meaning on the text that simply does not exist.
The Bible does not instruct us to ask Jesus into our heart. This alone should resolve the issue, nevertheless, here are nine more reasons.

2. Asking Jesus into your heart is a saying that makes no sense. What does it mean to ask Jesus into your heart? If I say the right incantation will He somehow enter my heart? Is it literal? Does He reside in the upper or lower ventricle? Is this a metaphysical experience? Is it figurative? If it is, what exactly does it mean? While I am certain that most adults cannot articulate its meaning, I am certain that no child can explain it. Pastor Dennis Rokser remindsus that little children think literally and can easily be confused (or frightened) at the prospect of asking Jesus into their heart.

3. In order to be saved, a man must repent (Acts 2:38). Asking Jesus into your heart leaves out the requirement of repentance.

4. In order to be saved, a man must trust in Jesus Christ (Acts 16:31).Asking Jesus into your heart leaves out the requirement of faith.

5. The person who wrongly believes they are saved will have a false sense of security. Millions of people who sincerely, but wrongly, asked Jesus into their hearts think they are saved but struggle to feel secure. They live in doubt and fear because they do not have the Holy Spirit giving them assurance of salvation.

6. The person who asks Jesus into his heart will likely end up inoculated, bitter and backslidden. Because he did not get saved by reciting a formulaic prayer, he will grow disillusioned with Jesus, the Bible, church and fellow believers. His latter end will be worse than the first.

7. It presents God as a beggar just hoping you will let Him into your busy life. This presentation of God robs Him of His sovereignty.

8. The cause of Christ is ridiculed. Visit an atheist web-site and read the pagans who scoff, “How dare those Christians tell us how to live when they get divorced more than we do? Who are they to say homosexuals shouldn’t adopt kids when tens of thousands of orphans don’t get adopted by Christians?” Born again believers adopt kids and don’t get divorced.
People who ask Jesus into their hearts do. Jesus gets mocked when false converts give Him a bad name.

9. The cause of evangelism is hindered. While it is certainly easier to get church members by telling them to ask Jesus into their hearts, try pleading with someone to make today the day of their salvation. Get ready for a painful response. “Why should I become a Christian when I have seen so called Christians act worse than a pagan?” People who ask Jesus into their hearts give pagans an excuse for not repenting.

10. Here is the scary one. People who ask Jesus into their hearts are not saved and they will perish on the Day of Judgment. How tragic that millions of people think they are right with God when they are not. How many people who will cry out, “Lord, Lord” on judgment day will be “Christians” who asked Jesus into their hearts?

"One Year Ago Today" by Kristi McKnight my Daughter

One year ago today.....

One year ago today I was sitting in the MISD administration building staring at the clock. Time seemed as though it could go no slower! While Irene was in the front talking about how to teach other kids, all I could keep my mind on was wanting another kid of my own. At the time Chloe, our precious firstborn, was 3. We yearned for another sweet baby. Chloe is such an outgoing and happy child and we couldn’t imagine her ever being our only child.

For many months my dear husband held me and wiped my tears as I was crying because i was not pregnant. The pain was so hard to bear. It was such an empty feeling. My husband would feel the same pain I did; he just handled it better than me.

We decide after a year and a half that maybe there was something wrong. We met with the doctor and after a few months, the problem was diagnosed. We pursued treatment.

Several months went by with no baby news. Our doctor suggested we have an IUI (intrauterine insemination). This was a difficult decision for the both of us. We would ask, “is this playing God, is this His will?” After praying about it, we decided to follow through with the procedure.
We had our first IUI in January. It was unsuccessful. It was heartbreaking. The next two months brought us implications that would not allow us to have an IUI again. We decided that we would try again in April.

This brings me back to the MISD administration building. I sat in the meeting until 10:30, knowing that this could be the day I get pregnant! I promptly got up and excused myself from the meeting and drove to the doctor’s office. There were so many thoughts of hope running through my mind. As I walk into the office, my prince charming was sitting there waiting on me! We were excited and nervous.

The nurse calls us back. As we walk in the room with her she says “okay guys, we aren’t having an IUI today.” Out of confusion, we both questioned why. She let us know that the procedure would be pointless and that it was time to start looking at alternative ways to expanding our family. My fingers go numb as I type this. We leave the office and walk silently to our cars.
I felt as though i could not drive. I sat in my suburban and wept. My husband got in his truck. After a few minutes of sitting in our cars in complete shock, we drove to my parent’s home.
We sat in the living room and cried. We wondered what was wrong, was Curt okay, was I okay, what is next. We were in shock and scared. I will never forget the words i turned and said to my husband: “God is still good, God is still good, I love him and He loves me.” My husband agreed.

After a few days of getting used to this new reality, we started to discuss adoption. We discussed with family that adoption is biblical. We are adopted by God. I know that adoption is a good thing. I would feel proud to adopt a baby.

Several weeks went by. Life was feeling normal again. Life was different. On the morning of April 17th I realized that my period was late. I took a pregnancy test. THERE WERE TWO LINES. I took the test to my mom that morning and asked her to count the lines, I had my three year old count the lines, Curt counted the lines, and co-workers counted the lines. My husband and I would not let ourselves believe this. We were afraid to let our hearts hope again. I went in for a blood test that afternoon at 3:30.

We were headed out of town that night. We got in the car and my dad instantly knew that something was on my mind. Mom made me tell him. I explained that I had a positive pregnancy test and was afraid that it was wrong and afraid to get my hopes up. The trip seemed so long. I kept staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. Finally, at 6:30 my phone rang. It was them. My heart skipped a beat. My dad pulled over.

I remembered the conversation vividly:
“Hi Kristi, did you think I wasn’t going to call you?”...I replied that I wasn’t sure. “Sorry, the lab was closed and I called the owner. He went up to the lab and ran your test. We just got the results”...at this point, my heart is racing. “It was positive Kristi...you will have a very merry Christmas”...I was speechless. I thanked her, got off the phone, and began to cry. I was going to have another baby! God has given me a miracle...me!

I never lost sight in God. Even in the lowest of times, April 3rd, 2008, I still did not lose faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God can do all. God is miraculous.

On December 10, 2008 we welcomed Trinity Grace McKnight into the world. She was a 7 pound 6 ounce gift from God. We named her Trinity Grace because it was by God’s grace that she is here. God’s grace alone.

I will never forget April 3, 2008. A day that the devil tried to claim. A day that I did not lose sight in God. God prevails.

Against Compromise - John Macarthur

It was Martin Luther who said:

"The world at the present time is sagaciously discussing how to quell the controversy and strife over doctrine and faith, and how to effect a compromise between the Church and the Papacy. Let the learned, the wise, it is said, bishops, emperor and princes, arbitrate. Each side can easily yield something, and it is better to concede some things which can be construed according to individual interpretation, than that so much persecution, bloodshed, war, and terrible, endless dissension and destruction be permitted.

"Here is lack of understanding, for understanding proves by the Word that such patchwork is not according to God's will, but that doctrine, faith and worship must be preserved pure and unadulterated; there must be no mingling with human nonsense, human opinions or wisdom.

"The Scriptures give us this rule: 'We must obey God rather than men' (Acts 5:29)."

It is interesting to speculate what the church would be like today if Martin Luther had been prone to compromise. The pressure was heavy on him to tone down his teaching, soften his message, stop poking his finger in the eye of the papacy. Even many of his friends and supporters urged Luther to come to terms with Rome for the sake of harmony in the church. Luther himself prayed earnestly that the effect of his teaching would not be divisive.

When he nailed his 95 Theses to the door, the last thing he wanted to do was split the church.

Yet sometimes division is fitting, even healthy, for the church. Especially in times like Luther's--and like ours--when the visible church seems full of counterfeit Christians, it is right for the true people of God to declare themselves. Compromise is sometimes a worse evil than division. Second Corinthians 6:14-17 isn't speaking only of marriage when it says,

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people.

Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate," says the Lord.

O Great God - Sovereign Grace Praise

O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me

MP3 here
Guitar Tab/Chords here

Off the Valley of Vision CD
You can purchase here

For me He died, For me He lives

I am unable to go to the Shepherd's Conference this year but have been able to listen a bit via the internet. The thing I miss the most is singing as loud as I can with 3000 other men doing the same. The Conference opened with the old classic hymn below. This hymn is the gospel put to music.

My hope is in the Lord Who gave Himself for me,
And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.
For me He died, For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives
.…..
No merit of my own His anger to suppress.
My only hope is found in Jesus’ righteousness.
For me He died, For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives
.…..
And now for me He stands Before the Father’s throne.
He shows His wounded hands and names me as His own.
For me He died, For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives
.…..
His grace has planned it all, ‘Tis mine but to believe,
And recognize His work of love and Christ receive.
For me He died, For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives.

Hymn by Norman Clayton (1945)

You can listen in to the conference via a live stream here.

I have a Shelter - Soveriegn Grace Ministries

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

Words and Music: Steve and Vickki Cook and Bob Kauflin
You can download it free at Sovereign Grace Ministries here.
Guitar Tab/Chords here.

Brandon - A Story From a Teacher Who Loves Her Job and Her Kids

Four years ago, February 17th became a sad day for me. It has become a day that I will always step back and remind myself that teaching is not just teaching, it is so much more than just that. It is about loving the kids that sit in our classrooms, respecting them, smiling with them, making them feel special, and most importantly, realizing that they are not annoyances or a test score…they are people. People that will leave our classrooms and become someone…mothers, fathers, friends, and professionals. At least that is what we hope for them.

Four years ago, I taught at Murray Fly Elementary school in Odessa. That is where I met Brandon. Brandon did not get to leave my classroom to go on to be a father, or even a high school graduate. Brandon passed away.

He was hit by a car while riding a motor bike on February 9th. I found out the morning of the 10th. The kids were running to me and telling me that Brandon was hit by a car and had to be picked up by a helicopter. At first I didn’t know how much to believe so I waited for more information. My principal found me a few minutes later, telling me that he was air lifted to Lubbock from the middle of the street. I was scared.

Brandon was a tall, skinny cutie pie with glasses. He did not come from a wholesome family. He did not come from money. He was proud of everything he owned. In fact, the day he was hit by the car, he was showing off his shoes to me and refused to get them dirty. I will never forget that conversation as long as I live. I even remember that his mom bought them for him outside of Lowe’s grocery store. Brandon was a second year fifth grader. He did not pass his TAKS tests the year before. The day I got my class list that year, I remember a teacher coming to me saying “oh, you got Brandon…well, good luck with that”. I try to ignore those comments. Brandon did great that year. I loved having him in my room. I once told my team-teacher, “You know, I love that kid”. I really did love him.

On February 11th, I decided that I needed to go to Lubbock. I asked my mom to go with me because I knew that with her support, I could do anything. She drove me there. I walked in to the hospital that night, with absolutely no clue of what I was about to see. When I turned the corner of the room in children’s ICU, my jaw dropped. There lied Brandon, lifeless Brandon. He was attached to every machine you could imagine. There were tubes everywhere. The worst part…his glasses were gone. I walked up to him and was proud to announce the 87 that he got on his benchmark his last day of school. His parents beamed. I just wish Brandon could have known. He would have been so proud of himself and walked a little taller that day! Oh, and he would have told every teacher in that building about his 87! He had two nieces that he walked to class every morning. He spoke to every teacher along the way.

While I was there, the doctor walked in. I introduced myself as Brandon’s favorite teacher! The doctor got a surprised look on his face. He asked me if I would join him for a few minutes. I obliged. He begins to explain to me that Brandon’s parents did not understand the seriousness of the situation. He showed me the x-rays and explained that the left half of Brandon’s brain was dead. He explained that it was not coming back. Then, he asked me to explain to this to the parents. What!? How was I going to do this?
My mom put her arm on my shoulders as I sat with them in Brandon’s room. I explained to them the situation and expressed how sorry I was. This was the hardest thing I had done. I kept thinking, “They didn’t prepare me for this in college”.

I drove home that night. And back the next. I would go to school, check on my students there, and then my mom would pick me up and we would head to Lubbock. This became a routine for the next few days. Our school took up collections and the kids made Valentines for me to take him. His room was full of colorful Valentine’s from his classmates…and teacher!

On February 17th, his parents decided to turn off the ventilator. He died in minutes. He died. Even as I type that, my arms go numb, it hurts so badly.

The days after were a blur. On the morning of the 18th, counselors came into my room and told the kids that Brandon had passed away. Some cried, some doodled on paper the whole time, some didn’t understand. I did not cry…I just hugged. The counselors talked with them and let them grieve.

At the visitation at the funeral home, we walked into a room with a small casket. Brandon was wearing his favorite shirt and…his glasses! A slideshow played above him and hanging on the skirt of his casket was a card that had his name in very bright colors. It was the Valentine that I had made him. His parents told me that he loved me. I loved him too.

The next day at the funeral I saw all of my students. All dressed up and holding hands with their parents. I still felt the need to be strong. So I would turn around and wink at them or reach behind me and hold their hands. It was not easy. At the graveside, a very tall boy walked up to me and gave me a big bear hug. When I got a good look at his face, it was Gabe, a student in my first class of fifth graders. I realized how grown up he was. It was so great to see him and hear of how great he was doing. I was a proud teacher.

Since that day, it hit me that these kids we teach are people. I had always known this, but it never HIT me. We only get a snapshot of their lives. We should do all we can to make a mark. They are people. They are future wives and husbands, mommies and daddies. It always makes me think of my first year of teaching. I would hear all of the teachers discuss students with words that bothered me. I would hear “oh, you will love her, she made commended performance”, or “he’s sweet, but didn’t pass that math test”. Our students are not just a score.

Brandon reminds me of that. Brandon made a good mark on my heart. He was a sweet, sweet boy. He cared. He was proud of what he had. He loved his teacher. I am glad it was me.

A few days later his parents and sister came to get his stuff out of his desk. I asked if I could keep his paper clip holder. He loved that paper clip holder. I keep it on my desk now. I also kept his lunch-punch card with his picture on it. As his family was leaving, I looked down. His sister was wearing his favorite shoes that he and I shared a conversation about the day of his accident.

I am so thankful to get to be his teacher. I am thankful for this entire experience. I, at the time, was not living as a Christian. I know that Gods Grace is what got me through this experience. It was at this time that I began to pray again, to trust in Him again. I had so many questions. Was Brandon in Heaven? I knew that he was not a Christian; he had never been witnessed to. This experience drew me closer to God. It taught me that living my life as a Christian is so important. Walking in the Christian lifestyle with Christian values is a witness to people.

My relationship to Christ is strong now. I know that this is the time that it became evident to me that I need Christ in my life. That Christ died for me. He died for me to take away the burden of my sin. He carries that sin for me. He forgives. Please don’t let your relationship to Christ surface due to a terrible situation you are in. Let this story, my experience; open your eyes to Christ. Let me be a witness to you. Let me sing of his praises and teach you of His grace. God is good. None of us are good people, we are born sinners. But, he forgives. He SAVES.

God is sovereign. God created everything. He has plans for us. All happens for a reason, His reason. Sometimes we may never understand why things happen. I don’t know the reason for Brandon’s death. I do believe that it was supposed to happen. God’s timing is perfect. I trust in Him and thank Him for the opportunity he gave me four years ago. I thank him for Brandon’s smile, I thank Him for the opportunity to be Brandon’s teacher, and I thank Him for opening my eyes to what teaching really is.