Thursday, April 02, 2009

"One Year Ago Today" by Kristi McKnight my Daughter

One year ago today.....

One year ago today I was sitting in the MISD administration building staring at the clock. Time seemed as though it could go no slower! While Irene was in the front talking about how to teach other kids, all I could keep my mind on was wanting another kid of my own. At the time Chloe, our precious firstborn, was 3. We yearned for another sweet baby. Chloe is such an outgoing and happy child and we couldn’t imagine her ever being our only child.

For many months my dear husband held me and wiped my tears as I was crying because i was not pregnant. The pain was so hard to bear. It was such an empty feeling. My husband would feel the same pain I did; he just handled it better than me.

We decide after a year and a half that maybe there was something wrong. We met with the doctor and after a few months, the problem was diagnosed. We pursued treatment.

Several months went by with no baby news. Our doctor suggested we have an IUI (intrauterine insemination). This was a difficult decision for the both of us. We would ask, “is this playing God, is this His will?” After praying about it, we decided to follow through with the procedure.
We had our first IUI in January. It was unsuccessful. It was heartbreaking. The next two months brought us implications that would not allow us to have an IUI again. We decided that we would try again in April.

This brings me back to the MISD administration building. I sat in the meeting until 10:30, knowing that this could be the day I get pregnant! I promptly got up and excused myself from the meeting and drove to the doctor’s office. There were so many thoughts of hope running through my mind. As I walk into the office, my prince charming was sitting there waiting on me! We were excited and nervous.

The nurse calls us back. As we walk in the room with her she says “okay guys, we aren’t having an IUI today.” Out of confusion, we both questioned why. She let us know that the procedure would be pointless and that it was time to start looking at alternative ways to expanding our family. My fingers go numb as I type this. We leave the office and walk silently to our cars.
I felt as though i could not drive. I sat in my suburban and wept. My husband got in his truck. After a few minutes of sitting in our cars in complete shock, we drove to my parent’s home.
We sat in the living room and cried. We wondered what was wrong, was Curt okay, was I okay, what is next. We were in shock and scared. I will never forget the words i turned and said to my husband: “God is still good, God is still good, I love him and He loves me.” My husband agreed.

After a few days of getting used to this new reality, we started to discuss adoption. We discussed with family that adoption is biblical. We are adopted by God. I know that adoption is a good thing. I would feel proud to adopt a baby.

Several weeks went by. Life was feeling normal again. Life was different. On the morning of April 17th I realized that my period was late. I took a pregnancy test. THERE WERE TWO LINES. I took the test to my mom that morning and asked her to count the lines, I had my three year old count the lines, Curt counted the lines, and co-workers counted the lines. My husband and I would not let ourselves believe this. We were afraid to let our hearts hope again. I went in for a blood test that afternoon at 3:30.

We were headed out of town that night. We got in the car and my dad instantly knew that something was on my mind. Mom made me tell him. I explained that I had a positive pregnancy test and was afraid that it was wrong and afraid to get my hopes up. The trip seemed so long. I kept staring at my phone waiting for it to ring. Finally, at 6:30 my phone rang. It was them. My heart skipped a beat. My dad pulled over.

I remembered the conversation vividly:
“Hi Kristi, did you think I wasn’t going to call you?”...I replied that I wasn’t sure. “Sorry, the lab was closed and I called the owner. He went up to the lab and ran your test. We just got the results” this point, my heart is racing. “It was positive will have a very merry Christmas”...I was speechless. I thanked her, got off the phone, and began to cry. I was going to have another baby! God has given me a!

I never lost sight in God. Even in the lowest of times, April 3rd, 2008, I still did not lose faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God can do all. God is miraculous.

On December 10, 2008 we welcomed Trinity Grace McKnight into the world. She was a 7 pound 6 ounce gift from God. We named her Trinity Grace because it was by God’s grace that she is here. God’s grace alone.

I will never forget April 3, 2008. A day that the devil tried to claim. A day that I did not lose sight in God. God prevails.


jessica said...

I was in tears as i read your blog. It bring me to my struggle today. We have been trying to conceive for quite some time now. But, our time has not come. It will though....but, only when god is ready. God bless you and your family.

grits804 said...

Do you remember when I got to Les and Amandas ? You and your Mom and Amanda had these funny looks on your face...then when you told me remember how calm I was...were'nt you so proud of me ? NOT !!! SCREAMED ! It was cool ! She IS a gift from God...and SO are you!

Anonymous said...

Trinity is a precious gift. God is good!